I'm always happy when I meet someone named Dave because I know I'll like them. I've liked several Davids I've met but I've been very fond of every Dave I've gotten to know. There's something about shedding the formality of the second syllable that cheers the name up. I've known a good number of Daves but could always use more of them. I named my dog Dave.

Recently, I wondered if the transcendent quality of the name Dave extended to music and whether I would enjoy an all-Dave band over a band of Davids. Similarly, would a band of Michaels be better than a band of Mikes? Would Williams sound better than Bills? In short, would someone who wants to sound a little more dignified and serious by keeping the full name make better music than someone who ditched the formality for the more fun nickname?

My hunch: I think so! I think people who loosened up on their own names will come out ahead and make for better bands. (I've tried to go by the name Jack but it hasn't taken because I'm likely too uptight). I found a list of most popular male names of the last 100 years as provided by the government  and set out to place the nickname against the full name. The only rule is that the participant needs to be alive. Sorry, Brubeck.

NOTE: There should be many more bands with women in them. Millions more. And the ones that are out there should be listened to more in order to become more famous. The government should intervene to make this happen. But that, combined, with the wider variation of women's names, means that I'm only covering guy names here.

Let's start with variations on the number one most popular name, James.

THE JIM JIMMYS
Jim Kerr, Simple Minds - vocals
Jimmy Page, Led Zeppelin - guitar
Jim Kale, The Guess Who - bass
Jim Keltner, session veteran - drums
Well, you got Page. And a lot of drummers I know worship Keltner. But, yeah, this sounds like kind of a disaster. Could Kerr bump up the rock? Could Page co-exist with someone not prone to singing about Hobbits?

THE JAMESES
James Hetfield, Metallica - vocals, guitar
I think that's it for James. There are drummers from Scorpions and Avenged Sevenfold who could join but let's hear him try some solo stuff.
ADVANTAGE: THE JIM JIMMYS

On to variants of John, the number two most popular male name of the last century.

THE JOHNNY JACKS
Jack White, The White Stripes - lead guitar and lead vocals
Jack Casady, Hot Tuna, Jefferson Airplane - bass
Jack Irons, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Pearl Jam - drums
A very solid trio that would need to come to some understanding of what their sound would be. Seems like when Jack White is in a band, the sound is "The Jack White Sound."

THE JOHNS
John Lydon, Public Image Ltd - vocals
John Frusciante, Red Hot Chili Peppers - guitar
John Munson, Semisonic, The New Standards, The Witnesses - bass
John Eriksson, Peter Bjorn & John - drums
I really want to see Munson collaborate with Lydon. Still, I gotta go against my friend and my own name on this one.
ADVANTAGE: THE JOHNS

Robert is the third most popular name so let's take a look.

THE BOBBY ROB BOBS
Bob Dylan - co-lead vocals, guitar
Rob Halford, Judas Priest - co-lead vocals
Bob Mould, Hüsker Dü, Sugar - lead guitar, vocals
Bobby Dall, Poison - bass
Rob Hirst, Midnight Oil - drums
Rob Zombie - band documentarian
You'd be surprised how few bass players are available with the names Bob or Rob or Robby or Bobby. Still, one wouldn't pay much attention to the Poison bassist when Halford and Dylan are laying down amazing duets or possibly three-part harmonies with the guitarist.

THE ROBERTS
Robert Plant, Led Zeppelin - vocals
Robert Smith, The Cure - vocals
Robert Pollard, Guided by Voices - vocals
I'm just going to go ahead and make this a Crosby Stills & Nash style vocal trio. And I would listen to them on Spotify but probably not go out and buy a CD.
ADVANTAGE: THE BOBBY ROB BOBS

Moving along to Mike, the familiar form of the fourth most popular name.

THE MIKES
Mike Love, The Beach Boys - vocals
Mike Campbell, Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers - guitar
Mike McCready, Pearl Jam - guitar
Mike Mills, R.E.M. - bass
Mike Fuentes, Pierce the Veil - drummer
Could a band with the widely despised Love and the metal sound avalanche of Fuentes co-exist and work well together? No. This would be terrible music. But I would like to see precisely eight minutes of their first rehearsal.

THE MICHAELS
Michael Stipe, R.E.M. - vocals
Michael Nesmith, The Monkees - guitar, vocals
Michael Anthony, Van Halen - bass
Michael Shrieve, Santana - drums
Shrieve used to play in a band with the for real name Hagar Schon Aronson Shrieve so he knows a thing or two about supergroups. I would be legit thrilled to see this band.
ADVANTAGE: THE MICHAELS

William comes in at number five on the most popular names. Let's see who's in the lineups.

THE BILLYS
Billy Idol - vocals
Billy Gibbons, ZZ Top, guitar, vocals
Billy Bass Nelson, Parliament/Funkadelic - bass
Billy Ficca, Television - drums
Funny thing about William nicknames. The most significant and accomplished Bills that I found on vocals, bass, and drums, have all effectively left the music industry: Withers, Wyman, and Berry. But The Billys are a pretty intriguing blend of veterans I am buying concert tickets right now. Idol gets the nod over Corgan because he seems like more of a team player. Mr. Squier's application was also rejected.

THE WILLIAMSES
William DuVall, Alice in Chains - vocals
William Ackerman, founder of Windham Hill Records - guitar
William Parker, jazz musician - bass
William Goldsmith, Sunny Day Real Estate, Foo Fighters - drums
Really wanted to include Will.I.Am to this lineup but it just felt like cheating.
ADVANTAGE: THE BILLYS

And finally, my favorite name, Dave, battling its more formal counterpart.

THE DAVES
Dave Grohl, Nirvana, Foo Fighters - vocals, guitar
Dave Navarro Jane's Addiction, Red Hot Chili Peppers - lead guitar  
Dave Davies, The Kinks - rhythm guitar
Dave Dreiwitz, Ween - bass
Dave Lombardo, Slayer - drums
The Daves have a solid frontman and leader in Grohl and a lot of varied experience with Navarro, who has the highly capable Davies alongside him. The rhythm section has some lesser-known names, as rhythm sections often do. Gahan just couldn't get to the mic in a competitive position.

THE DAVIDS
David Byrne, Talking Heads - co-lead vocal
David Lee Roth, Van Halen - co-lead vocal
David Gilmour, Pink Floyd - lead guitar
David Hungate, Toto - bass
David King, The Bad Plus - drums
It's not the youngest sound going but those vocals will either be amazing or a disaster. I bet disaster.
ADVANTAGE: THE DAVES

And with that win, the nicknames take the overall very scientific competition by a score of 4-2. I'm so happy that my thesis was proven correct through a contest I controlled and ruled over capriciously. I'll see you the next time The Daves are in town!